DEAR HARRIETTE: I just had the weirdest experience. I was
cleaning my apartment where I have lived for many years. Well, you
would never guess what I found — a scrapbook of memories that
belongs to my ex-husband, probably made by his mom. It has report
cards from elementary school, his college diploma, all kinds of
stuff. And we got divorced almost 20 years ago. I have never seen
this thing before. I didn’t even know I had it in the first place.
Now I’m anxious. We didn’t break up on the best of terms. I think
he deserves to have his book back. How can I get it to him without
causing a fuss? I think I know where he lives. Do I send it
anonymously? What should I do? — April, Cherry Hill, N.J.

Dear April: Clearly, you have some unfinished business
with this man, and I would imagine that he would be thrilled to
receive his scrapbook of memories. Figure out his address, pack the
book carefully, and attach a friendly note saying that you found
this book and thought he would be happy to receive it. Wish him
well with his life, and let that be that. Don’t expect anything in
return. If he says thank you, great. Remember your reason for
sending it is to return his property. Keep it disconnected from you
unless he reaches back to speak. No matter what, stay
grounded.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling out with a good friend a few
years ago, and I just stopped talking to her. She recently reached
out to me to say that she hoped we could be close again. She
reminded me of various friends who have died lately. She doesn’t
want something bad to happen to us, and we didn’t resolve our
differences. Makes sense to me. My thing is that I don’t feel like
going through all of our old issues. We couldn’t resolve them
before, and I don’t want to expend more energy talking about them.
I’m willing to start fresh. How do I get her to agree to that? —
Beth, Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Beth: You can agree to get together with your
friend and thank her for reaching out. You can agree that it’s not
worth holding a grudge. Then tell her that you are willing to let
the past go. No need to talk about it. No rehashing necessary. Just
start fresh. This doesn’t mean, by the way, that you forget
whatever happened, just that you choose not to open an old wound.
Discuss the present and the future. See if you two still connect in
a meaningful way. Don’t force the friendship. Even if you don’t
become as close as you once were, clearing the air of old feelings
is worth the exercise.

(Harriette Cole is president and creative director of
Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to
askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200
Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016.)